I hate to have appear like a whiny little girl, but I could really use a way to vent my problem and maybe someone can sit through it and give me some advice.
I can't take living with my mom anymore. Ever since I was a little girl and my parents split up, I've always lived with her. Back then, I wouldn't have had it any other way because my mom and I had a great relationship. It wasn't until four to five years ago that I started to develop a great relationship with my dad. I think him and I starting bonding when my mom changed into a completely different person after she chose one of her psycho husbands over me and my older sister (but that is another sad and disturbing story) that led to her kicking us out even though he had some MAJOR disgusting problems.
Ever since we were forced to move back in with her, she has slowly lost her role as my mom. The caring, understanding, sacrificing, loving mother that I used to be able to tell anything to has turned into a selfish, mean, argumentative person. I've lost count of how many time we've gotten into blow outs and of all the times I've been thrown out but forced to come back for one reason or another. It is impossible to sit down and have a calm conversation of things that bother me because she explodes to yelling in my face even though I FORCE myself to be respectful.
I work so damn hard because I don't have any other choice. I pay by myself to go to school full time. I study and do my best to make the best possible grades to keep my schoralship. I pay for my gas, clothes, and even my own food most of the time. I take and pick my little sister up the majority of the week. And I try to work as much as possible to pay for all the things I get absolutely no help with. But it's not enough, I may be able to live in this house for free but I nothing I do is appreciated and I will never get any recognition or help from her.
Well I'm tired of it and I want to leave. I'd give up so many things to be able to pay for my own place and still be able to go to shool, but even if work full time I don't think I could make enough money for rent, MLG&W, gas, school, and a phone. I could live with my dad but that would mean I'd have to give my dog away and he's like a child to me and I can't live without him. Everywhere I turn, I'm trapped. Even through everything I've been through that I haven't mentioned, I'm normally a really happy person and kills me to sit here and write a blog about this, but right now I can't escape this feeling of helplessness. I can't live like this any longer but I can't find a way to escape it...
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5 comments:
Hey! I know that you feel terrible right now and nothing is going right but whenever I feel like that I just think about all the people who have it SO much worse. The kids that are dieing of cancer right now and their families. Or the people who do not have a home period. I do not know what you are going through with your mom but just remember that "God does not give us more than we can handle, he just pushes out limits so that we can handle the blessings he has in store for us"!
Hey, Macon. I am sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time at home. I can relate to you with the school and work thing. It is really hard to handle both and living on your own is so expensive! Don't worry, though. I am sure that you will figure something out.
Macon, I really do feel for you. I don't know what is going on with your mom but I wish there was a way you could tell her how you feel. She may be going through a bunch of stuff herself. I say I relate even though I am the mother of two daughters myself. I married my second husband and thought he was going to be a great guy for my two daughters, well, it was ok at first. Everyone had to adjust to the new situation. He turned out to be a screamer whose ideas of family were not quite the same as ours.My daughters ended up despising him and I got tired of being in the middle. Anyway, we left. People should think with their heads when they are thinking about the heart.
Macon I didn't know you were in Wendy's class. It's Jonathan Jefferson from Kindergarten and some of high school. Your just going to have to have it out with your mom. You can't avoid the issue for long. If it comes to you moving out, you just have to make sure your mom understands that you are not doing it hurt her, but you are doing it for yourself and to keep the relationship that you all still have.
One of my friends is in the same situation. She has completely support herself financially. That must be tough. But I would say that you should do your best to stay patient with your Mom and make your best effort to preserve your relationship with her, because she will always be your Mom. However, I would think about what is best for you emotionally. Maybe your Dad’s house would enable you to feel more loved and would help you out with financial issues as well. Although I can definitely understand not wanting to part with your dog, I would seriously consider what you need to do for yourself. Because it’s harder to help others when you need help yourself. Hang in there! ☺
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